Sunday, April 12, 2009

Love? part 4A

As the reader can tell, the last definitions of the word "love" are terribly difficult to be open and honest about. Not just with you, but with myself. It would be wonderful to say that every situation in my life is nothing but endless love in all its definitions. Perhaps if I could have been in San Francisco in 1967. This being a small condo in the Twin Cities suburbs in 2009, more likely not.

My penultimate answer must again be broken into an easy and difficult part. Even the easy may contain an item that is difficult to say. The definition is:

13) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

As no children have come forward as yet, I will stick with parents and friends/misc (could be pets or something, after all) as the subject matter. The "easier" part about parents shall come first.

As to my mother, yes. This feeling did not come easily. As to my father, not yet. And this is a very difficult thing to admit. But after their divorce in 1966 (I was 10 at the time), my mother raised me. My father went on to a very productive life in Toronto, London, Brussels then back to Toronto.

For many years, dad Charles' input to my life was to relive his side of that divorce. Only after his stroke in 1986, then his "triple tragedy" in 1994 (his mother, wife and ex-father-in-law all dying within a few weeks) did the relationship start to repair. We are finally somewhat friends again, but it has not been an easy hill to climb. With perseverance, I still hope to someday love him as my father.

Probably leftover uncertainty clouded my relationship with mom Jean for the first few years after 1966. Amongst the memorable lines during those formative years was my balking at mowing the lawn: "Who was your slave before I came along?" And yet we persevered. We managed to find a mutual interest in birds and the outdoors which has persisted to this day. Above all, we kept communicating (both speaking and listening), even if one didn't like what the other had to say.

It might only be one factor, but "love" must have two-way communications to live. Always.

The other part to this answer will be soon. I just want to know I'm saying what I want to say.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are on many journeys at the same time. May you continue to find signposts as soon as you need them!